how to do a triathlon

this summer i completed my third sprint triathlon, this time in cleveland. here are my 14 not-so-easy-steps to how i did it.

1. sign up with a friend, way before you know if you really want to do it. panic immediately.
2. to figure out when you need to start training, count backward 12 weeks from the date of the triathlon. then realize how soon it is, and that it's never going to happen.
3. watch the weeks come and go. don't start training.
4. blame the baby. how do stay at home moms work out?? where do they find time? 
5. get real. with 6 weeks until the race, start using that jogging stroller. start using nap time to work out. start asking people to watch the baby so you can swim. whatever you have to do, just do it.
6. work. your. ass. off. every day! repeat.
7. one week until the race. panic. you definitely didn't do enough. begin telling everyone how bad it's going to go.
8. one day before the race, go to the course talk. realize everyone else seems legit. solidify your expectation that this is going to suck. pack up your stuff, wonder how you're going to do it.
9. race day. no more doubts, this is actually happening. jump in the water, start swimming.
10. wait. that swim was WAY BETTER than expected. gain confidence. get a further boost from spotting husband and baby on the sideline.
11. holy hell that bike was NEARLY IMPOSSIBLE. was the entire course uphill? at least it's done.
12. start the run, expecting to walk.
13. run at walking pace, but don't walk. this will seem like forever, but eventually you will be done.
14. FINISH! hug family that willingly suffered through this with you. and stretch. don't forget to stretch.